I had a stupid, silly realization yesterday that lead to a panic attack where I was on the floor struggling to breathe for twenty minutes. It felt like every nerve was on fire and paralyzed. I couldn’t find my inhaler which made it worse. But I did find my manatee. And my space llama. And I just laid there sobbing for a while clutching onto the two of them like life preservers and I was trapped in the middle of the ocean with no rescue boat in sight.
Because I realized I am a fucking Magikarp.
I’m pretty useless as far as just. General usefulness goes. I rely on so many people who take care of me and do the simplest things like making sure I am eating. Because I don’t remember to eat. I spend a lot of my life flailing and not actually doing anything. And most people don’t actually want me. Not like this anyway. Some keep me because some sketchy con man in a trenchcoat convinced them they should have me and sometimes that sketchy con man is me but it’s always a disappointment that oh look it’s just a freaking Magikarp that does NOTHING but splash and be useless.
Magikarp does do something cool though. Eventually. With time. Magikarp becomes Gyarados, one of the strongest pokemon. At least it was when there was only 151 of them and I knew more about pokemon in general. And a lot of people want a Gyarados. Or wanted. This becomes a lot less happy and inspirational when we factor in the fact that I don’t know a lot about Pokemon anymore.
Moving on.
I’m useless right now. I’m a depressed person struggling to function on their own. But one day I’m going to not be struggling and be okay. One day I’ll stop being Magikarp and be a Gyarados. But right now I’m a Magikarp. And that’s okay.
I just need to remember this isn’t forever and always. And that I’m not a pokemon with no evolution. I can evolve into better.
Shpunkey 