I did not do a lot of what I had wanted to. I didn’t go to Japan. I didn’t go to Disneyland once a month, or do the stair walks regularly. I did pay off a good chunk of the ever so oppressive debt I was in…. only to need to then put myself in so much more debt due to school and needing to buy a new car. I vaguely remember the things I learned about taking care of my face – but a lot of the time I hit a point of so much exhaustion that it’s all I can do to make it into my bed.
The Coronavirus altered and changed so many of my plans and ideas for this year. But I did do things. I started school again. By the end of next year, I’ll have my bachelor’s degree. I got a new job that I absolutely adore, and that values me in a way I have never been valued for at work before. I have a new car that I love, that I picked, and that is entirely in my name.
And I did do one of the trips I had planned. At the start of the week, I stared out over a ledge into the Grand Canyon. I felt small and insignificant but centered and whole all at the same time. It was one of the trips I had planned to do this year, and honestly. I had intended for it to happen in May or June. Because of the pandemic, and the general massive amount of depression I fell into this year. I didn’t take it. But I realized that I cannot keep putting things off. So I looked at what steps I had to do in order to be safe, and I went.
I am so glad that I did.
This year has been challenging. It seems like every year gets harder and harder. But we get through them. It’s what we do.
I’m not making a list of goals for next year. I know the things I want to do. I know the big things that I am incredibly focused on making happen.
Next year I am going to graduate with my bachelor’s degree. I am getting surgery to help improve the quality of my life. I’m going to keep streaming and keep pushing myself to learn new things. I am going to start my classes to become a paralegal. But most importantly, I am going to focus on myself, make myself a priority, and do what I can to ensure that I am living my best life.
Happy new year, everyone.
Shpunkey 