This entry is going to be a little different. As I’ve mentioned previously, either on stream or on here (it could have been my WordPress – which I am in the process of merging with this website. But I don’t really know what I’m doing, so its a work in progress), I’m currently in school to get my bachelor’s degree. Finally. For one of my courses, I have to write a blog (this may happen again several times in the next five weeks, looking at my next class). So. Here’s this entry.
I wrote a paper about the TED talk that Jenny Lawson, who is also known as The Bloggess. Jenny talked about how vital it is to share about having a mental illness. One of the things that, particularly depression, does is lie. It tells you that the people in your life would be better off if you weren’t around anymore. That you are a burden or a tumor. That you offer nothing of value for being yourself to those around you. It tells you that you’re alone. That you are always going to be alone, and that there is no point in trying. At least, that’s sometimes the lies that my depression and anxiety tell me.
I’m very open about the fact that I seem to collect mental disorders the I collect tsum tsums, or my mom collected beanie babies when those were a thing. I don’t hide when I’m doing really badly, nor do I hide when I’m actually okay. I share these experiences for a couple of reasons. One, it helps me not keep it burning and eating at me inside. It helps me process and find the lie that my own brain is telling me. And more often than not, it helps me when I do reach out for help because trying to say what’s in my brain verbally is too much. It doesn’t make sense, and I can’t actually get the words out. But I always can when I write.
It’s also helped others. I’ve always maintained an open inbox policy. And I’ve gotten responses from people privately who told me they felt the same. But it’s lies. It’s not true. That I’m worth the effort and being around. And some of them have realized that they are worth fighting for treatment. That they aren’t alone.
I’ve gotten suggestions on how to manage when I am so anxious I am vibrating and I can’t stop crying and everything is collapsing, and I’ve been able to share that with someone else who reached out because everything was collapsing for them.
It’s okay if you want your story to remain your story. You don’t have to write a blog entry, go on stage and share everything with the world, or just open up and talking to a friend. Even if all you do is just read someone else’s experiences, it’s okay. As Jenny says, there are a million ways your story can be shared.
And you are always worth fighting for treatment. You are not the lies your mental illnesses are telling you.
This is the video of her talk if you want something that is somewhat more coherent than what I’ve written.
Shpunkey 