Okay. So. No secret I’ve been upset about my break up with C, right? That’s pretty clear.
This will hopefully be the last entry regarding him. Because I need to work out this rage. And then make myself eat dinner and play a video game, and focus on the people in my life who actually deserve my attention.
C, as it turns out, is a liar. He lied to me about why he wanted to break up.
He told me that it was because he felt broken about poly things. That he needed to be alone romantically. And the other stuff. That really, what the fuck. But. It turns out, no. Not case. He didn’t want to be poly anymore, which I understand. But he could have just simply said that. It wasn’t only that he didn’t want to be poly or with me.
Because someone who doesn’t want to be romantically with someone does not update their dating profile. They don’t mark they are available for romantic pursuits. And that is just what he did.
I am so tired of people lying to me. I am so tired of the guys I fall for mostly winding up to manipulative lying assholes. It would have hurt so much less if he just told me that he didn’t want to be poly, that he wanted to go back to being monogamous. It would have sucked. But it would have been so much better if he was just honest with me.
I am angrier than I have been in a long time. I am hurt. More hurt than I was. Because I thought he respected me and it just. No. No, he didn’t. I did nothing but want to be a good partner to him, to support him and give him the space he needed or the cuddles he needed and it’s like none of that actually mattered in the end.
I thought he was one of the magic people. The people who fit in my life so perfectly that no matter what type of relationship was had, they were going to be there. They were safe. There are only… a few people I consider part of the magic people. And I was wrong here. I was so, so very wrong.
I need to go for a run. And think of things from daily gratitude. And calm the fuck down.
Just.
Fuck this.
Shpunkey 