This year seems to be one for interesting things so far.
My boyfriend and I broke this past week. It wasn’t easy, but it also was not horrible. We both realized that we just have not been happy with each other in a long time. And that we hadn’t really given one another a fair chance at really getting to know each other. So we are starting over as friends. We even reintroduced ourselves to each other. It was kind of cute. But also just really heartbreaking. Even though this was likely a long time coming, it hurts. This change hurts so much. And I don’t feel like I have a lot of people in my life I can really talk to about it. Which, just makes this a little bit harder to deal with.
I’ll cope. I’ll manage. But this sucks a lot.
I am grateful that he and I are going to remain friends. I wasn’t really expecting that. He is not typically friends with the people he dates, whereas some of my best friends are exes. I’m really looking forward to the chance to get to know him more as a person without the confines of this is my boyfriend.
I started going to a yoga and meditation course once a week. It’s so far been really helpful. I’ve been able actually to do some of the poses and stretches, which surprises me for some reason. I’ve never been particularly flexible. So the fact that I am able to do anything is really nice.
I don’t know. I am trying to figure things out right now.
I also spent most of the week worried that I was going to be fired from work. And thinking about if the place I work is the best place for me to be for the next year and five months. The company closes then, and I’ll be unemployed. And as much as the supervisor insists that I have a stress free job. I don’t. I am constantly stressed out and worried that all I am messing up all of the time because I am made to feel like all I do is mess up. I have a couple of interviews next week. If I get them – maybe moving on is the best for me and for my current employers.
I did something that was impulsive, but also potentially fun for the future. I bought a ticket two different shows – one to see Eddie Izzard and one to see Amanda Palmer in May. I am kind of freaking out about it. I almost never just impulsively make big decisions like this. I usually live my life in a perpetual state of micromanaging my everything and FOMO.
I kind of want to stop living that way.
I love planning. I love organizing. But I miss out on so many things.
I also want to make my room at home feel more like. Mine. I want to put things up on the walls and actually fill my picture frames. And have more books. So many more books.
I also need to find more time for myself. More time to just, curl up in my own place and play on my computer. Or read on my bed.
This year has not started out great. But it has shown me parts where I need to change to be happier.
Let’s see if I can do this.
Shpunkey 