Aging

I just turned 37. Yesterday, in fact. And I feel like a loser.

I have very few prospects, if any. I live with my parents and I’m unable to move out. I’m facing possibly being homeless as a result because they may need to move. I’m in debt. I’m working on getting out of debt, which is a big part of why I can’t afford to move out. I can’t afford to take care of Riley, who means everything to me, without help.

I can’t afford to take care of me without help.

This isn’t how I pictured my life. I saw myself as independent already. Maybe with a family at this point. Instead, I’m single, with no prospects, because what do I possibly have to offer someone?

I’m kind of spiraliing through these thoughts. They keep swirling in my head and its all I can hear which is impressive because I’m watching Cats with my best friend. That musical demands attention, and I’m masking for my friend, and still this is all I hear.

I know I’m impressive to my friends. And that helps some. I just. I don’t know. I’m not happy. And I don’t see a future where I am happy anymore.