Positives

We’ve been in this vague weird sort of lockdown since March. Things are starting to open up now, but it’s also way to soon for this.

I’ve started entry after entry and been at a loss of what to say. So I’d give up after a few sentences. I keep focusing on the things that are wrong. The things that make me unhappy. So. For this. I am going to look at things I am looking forward to. The things I want to do. The steps I’m taking to make my life better.

So.

The Things I Have Done:

• I went back to school to get my bachelor’s degree. I’m a junior at Ashford University right now, taking the major courses for an English degree. I’m no longer willing to tolerate not having that degree hold me back from opportunity. Or knowing that I was close to it, and just letting it go because I have my associates. I like my school and courses so far. I like that it’s set up in a structured, 5-week course at a time. Once we get the electives sorted out, I’ll have an expected graduation date. I anticipate it being sometime mid to late next year.
• I’m looking for a new job. In the past, I would have taken anything offered to me. But, I’m not doing that right now. I’ve been looking for places that will pay me what I should be making based on my experience and education. I’m looking at places that offers benefits beyond just medical. Somewhere that will invest in me the same way I look to invest in them, and let me support myself while being able to do things like save.
• I’m doing actual research into what I would need to get my own apartment. I know the bare minimum of what I want, things I would like to have, things I do not want. Making sure I’d have enough to get a fridge, if I needed to have one. Hell, I am even trying to gauge how much traffic I would encounter for every place I apply to versus where I am looking at apartments to price gauge. And I’m looking at furniture. What I need to just get, what I need to replace, etc.
• I got a new, really fancy rainbow barfing computer. A couple of new cameras. It’s so fast. Most importantly, I don’t have to fear turning it off. My old computer would sometimes (usually) like to not turn back on when it’d get turned off instead of just put to sleep. Which was stressful. Since I have a computer that can handle it, I started to stream myself playing video games on Twitch. I occasionally stream during the week, but I do stream every Sunday afternoon to late evening.  I really enjoy it, and I’ve kept getting things that I think would make it better on my viewers. And things that I’m just proud of being able to hook up or set up on my own.
• I spend at least 15 minutes a day in meditation. I’ve found videos on YouTube and Disney+ (Zennimation is the best discovery) that help me be focused and centered.
• I’ve been reading again. I didn’t realize that I had essentially stopped reading books, nor subsequently how much I missed it.
• I’ve opened myself up to the possibility of meeting people in a romantic sense, something I did shut down after my last two break-ups. Mostly the one with C, but still.
• I made peace with people who’d hurt me, and reconnected with the ones I did miss while taking more affirmative steps towards not having the others be able to contact me.

Things I’m Looking Forward To and/or Want To Do

• I’m looking forward to going to the Rose Court Garden at the Disneyland Hotel again.
• I want to take cooking classes. I want to refine my skills in the kitchen.
• I’m looking forward to going to Museums again. I really want to go to the Huntington Library.
• I want to actually take my trip to the Grand Canyon.
• I’m looking forward to hugging my friends. And being around them. And it not being a we must be social distanced.