Three

I got into a weird argument with my friends over something silly last week.

We had gotten into a conversation about where we would rate on the one to ten attractiveness scale. And for the most part, everyone rated themselves six or seven. My boyfriend rated himself an eight. They all see themselves above average.

I wouldn’t give that to myself. I gave myself a three.

Which sparked a lot of no, that’s not true. That’s not what you are. And I understand that they don’t see me that way. But I got upset. Because, with the exception of my boyfriend (who even then, I slightly disagreed with), I thought what they rated themselves was too low. I was upset because they kept, and keep, telling me I’m wrong.

I know where I put myself on that stupid scale says a lot more about my own self-image than it does anything else. And I know that it’s something I need to work on. That’s always been something that I’ve needed to work on. But I wish that I was able to get it across to them that it’s just. How I see myself. And maybe one day it will change. But right now I see someone not that attractive. More than not that attractive.

I don’t. It’s stupid but it’s been bothering me for a week now.